If you’ve never been inside a Spencer’s Gifts before, this episode will give you an idea of what you’re missing. While we openly slander the store, I’ll be the first to go on record and say that it’s hard walking by a Spencer’s store in the mall and not go in. You may try to resist, but before you know it you’re in there with the rest of the suckers looking at XXXL Tshirts with Elmo’s face on it, thinking, “I need this.” Maybe you like walking by the naughty gift section trying not to appear like you’re checking out the “365 Positions” book. We know what you’re up to…. You’re not fooling anyone.

I guess Spencer’s fills the need for us to walk around feeling like superior consumers who don’t fall for all the low brow merchandise traps. Typical shopper experience: “Haha, look at this blow up doll nurse, what a waste of money! Besides, who has the time for that nonsense when there’s a Boondock Saints movie jigsaw puzzle to work on!”

NOTE: For the protection of our younger viewer we didn’t provide any links to items in Spencer’s “naughty” category. If such things interest you, just go to their website and type your query into the search box. You’ll find it in the upper right corner labelled “wut r u lkn 4?”.

Tonight’s menu: the number 24 – green chile burrito (meat and beans).