Author Archives: dave

Episode 54: The Squeeze

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This was easily the SECOND most offensive thing that was discussed tonight and therefore the only conversation suitable enough for the episode. I’m guessing out of the 100 people that watch us, 20 of them will never watch again. However, I also predict that we’ll pick up 20 new viewers drawn in by our new scatological direction. So, goodbye 20 cute girls and hello to the 20 homeless men and/or 12-year-old boys googling “poo squeeze” at the Apple store.

Please note: we neither endorse Todd’s actions nor encourage performing unsanitary acts for the purpose of gaining money. We also do not encourage you to get just a plate of rice at Cinco De Mayo. It tastes fine, but when are you going to eat just a place of rice? The same night you get just a plate of beans? Exactly.

Tonight’s menu: the number 54 – rice w/ special sauce.

Episode 53: They’re Watching Us

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Hi, Louis! Hi, Maria! Hi, Gustavo!

That was a special shout out to our three favorite employees at Cinco De Mayo. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that they’re watching these episodes. We are discussing and rating their work after all.

So, while I have your ear, Cinco Employees, allow me to speak directly to you:

Thank you for being friendly and hospitable and allowing us to intrude on your workplace with our cameras. And while we don’t like all of the food there, there are lots of things we will crave long after we’re done with this project.

We’re having fun doing this. We hope you are too. See you tonight!

Tonight’s menu: the number 53 – chile relleno.

Episode 49: Just Beans

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So you may have noticed that we’re getting to a portion of the menu that features a la carte items; some would say “side items.” Tonight was just beans. I would never go to a restaurant and order a plate of beans. That’s me. Some people might. People who really like beans might.

We think Cinco De Mayo might benefit from organizing their menu a little better. Separating the meals from the sides and the a la carte items might make more sense than having 88 items. But what do I know? I’ve only been there 49 times. It might make sense by the 88th.

Also, I’ve lived with Todd for 4 years and I’ve never once seen him make refried beans. It doesn’t matter though because in the end I think he’s actually right about those beans; there wasn’t anything special about them. I don’t know why I got so mad. Beans get me worked up I guess.

Tonight’s menu: the number 49 – beans with cheese.

Episode 46: A 200-lb Face

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Tonight’s meal was free! Thanks, Todd, for saying something to Maria. She passed it on to Jesus (the manager) and got the ok to hook it up. The steak sandwich ended up being a good freebie since it’s one of the more expensive items at about $8.50.

Now, Devin does have what we in the scientific community call a “chipmunk face.” It’s ok though; that’s where he stores all his energy for the winter. And though we’ve had a mild winter in LA so far, I’m sure he’ll need all the energy he can muster to finish this project.

Also, a lot of people have asked me if any of us is putting on weight during this project since we eat at Cinco De Mayo all the time. We actually are not. We’re just eating dinner a couple of hours later 2-3 times a week. Like Devin said in the video, people who eat at Cinco De Mayo a lot are probably not going to be extremely overweight. We’re living proof.

Tonight’s menu: the number 46 – steak sandwich.

Episode 43: Out on Top

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PEE WEE
There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand.

DOTTIE
I don’t understand.

PEE WEE
You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie, a rebel… So long, Dot…

Pee Wee Herman, a true ladies man.

Tonight’s menu: the number 43 – bacon avocado burger.